My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize