If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
