Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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