just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
