dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
