I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
