I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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