how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
