Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
