Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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