John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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