check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
