The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize