They should really pass out barf bags in church
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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