this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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