Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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