Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
