Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you made out with another girl for some wings
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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