Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
