Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
