I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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