I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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