you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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