Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize