I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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