You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
