worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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