puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
