I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
