You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
