you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
