He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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