i came on her dog
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
