chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
