You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think my vagina is haunted
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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