Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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