In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
