is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
