i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
