The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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