By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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