I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
