Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Holy sore nipples Batman
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
