you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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