If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize
