He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
