She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
