then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
