The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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