I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
