does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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