Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
