He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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