We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
