I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
