wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
