She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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