Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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