highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
