I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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