1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
