Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
