Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
