I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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