I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
