you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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