I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
