I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
