I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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