Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
