how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how do flat chested girls get laid?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
