We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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