That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
