weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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