I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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