When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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