sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
