they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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