What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
