I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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