Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize